Strange those days,
when we still counted time in semesters.
“Love is true and everlasting.”
Remember when our love was like a candle in an open window? Delicate, flickering, and then gone.
this only serves to remind me that I could have been married 9 times by now.
or martyred 9 times by now.
Fall In Love
&
Get Fucked
I have a bit of a sunburn
But I have a lot of pride for what I’ve just experienced. I’ve been simultaneously 18 and 52, alone and otherwise today.
I’m getting better.
And RIP MS
in the past two days i’ve committed numerous bodily felonies and feel nothing. things are not as they seem. do i miss you or do i just miss someone. stimulants and depressants, burnt my fingers in boiling water and on a hot stove, sleeping in my makeup and haven’t washed my hair in days. feels like i’ve been in a hovel and in some ways i have. i need to crawl out, tomorrow morning, while my skin’s still on and i still have a chance.
then 21 in 3. home in 6. recovered? maybe never. alright alright.
Despite my attempts and advances towards being a good and levelheaded person, I still seem to always find a way to make a mess of a potentially seamless situation.
B, on the other hand, is just a boy caught up in the search for love without pain. Regardless of any of the situational details, I genuinely feel for him. And who knows, we could or maybe do have something here.
I refuse to have expectations. Just last night I stood sobbing in the parking lot of a fancy sushi restaurant, big glowing red and yellow sign and eyes rimmed red. You can’t hold on to someone so tight, you’ll squeeze the life out of them. Especially when all your begging can’t even fill in the holes that you left in me.
Me, I’ll stay on this side of the bridge now and I’ll keep working on it.
Goodnight.
i can’t tell if he is just simple
or if he is strikingly complicated and hiding it all
still shy
still slight
we missed out on all those dreams we made together
but how i still have this innate sense of timing when it comes to your movements is beyond me.
will i EVER be good enough?
/
my hands don’t even feel like my hands
/
why can’t i just fix you so we never have to be apart again. i’ll make it so i can take you everywhere with me and i’ll give your life purpose and you won’t need anything except me anymore, just like it used to be.
you coastal people have a hold on me we share traits that i never knew that i had until i noticed them in your reflection too. there is a certain formality with which we operate and yet we each know instinctively how far we can stretch each other’s playful and willing sarcasm. we all held our mothers and each other’s hands on those pearl white beaches glinting in the sun. we all scratched our skin to the same pavement and became aware of who we were going to be in the same place. when i leave you i miss you, whether i’m strong enough to admit it or not. and when you leave me, you take a piece of my soul back there with you, slowly collecting it until there will be more in your pile than mine.
The shortest mildest winter in my recent memory.
/
I’m not ready for it to be over yet, I feel that I have so much more left to accomplish. So many goals made and so many still left unfulfilled.
/
You are my favorite friend.
i dont mind being alone most of the time because it almost seems better that way.
keeping people just outside the reach of my fingertips.
cant reach. wont try. dont want to.
Tried to call in for backup. No answer on the line. Why am I surprised.
